Monday, 9 February 2015

Fear Street - Secret Admirer

Let's start with the cover.
I wonder how long it took our protagonist Selena to notice the message written in blood (!?) on the mirror. Or maybe it's lipstick. Maybe it's Maybelline (I hope everyone gets that). Or maybe it's just a marker. Oooooh. But literally she had time to get out a brush before she noticed the writing. Are you actually stupid Selena?! It literally could not be more obvious. Selena plz. And if you look closely, the colour of the writing matches the colour of her nails! Do I smell a personality disorder?
And the tag line! "Someone loves her to death." SOOOOO good. hahahahahaha.
Ok let's read on.

The book opens with a letter to Selena from "the Sun", saying how they'll be together forever etc etc etc. I have no idea if Selena gets this letter or not. I think it's just for us to know that someone is obsessed with her before we actually read the book. Ok. 
Anyway Selena and friends have just finished performing the school play, and everyone tells our girl Selena how great she was and how amazing she is etc etc etc. But Selena is all modest about it. Aaaaand I like her. We're introduced to fellow cast members Allison and Jake, who's last name is Jacoby by the way. If Jake is short for Jacob, his name is Jacob Jacoby. Jacob. Jacoby. R.L. no! Now I have to say his full name every time I mention him.
Also it's made very clear that "Selena" means "moon". Cool thanks R.L. I think we're suppose to be all like "omg Selena means moon and her stalker calls himself the Sun omg so it's like a matching pair omg!" Because that's exactly how I reacted when I read it.
Next we meet the Best friend, Katy, a stagehand (and a fatty) and Selena's ex boyfriend Danny, who she's in disbelief that she was able to tolerate for "Six whole months" while they were dating.
Katy and Selena are in extreme shock and "open mouthed horror" when they find a bouquet of dead roses in Selena's backpack. Their reactions are so intense I want to hit them both. Calm your shit Selena it was just dead flowers. Like literally she drops the bouquet and Katy brings her hands to her cheeks because they're both that horrified. Ok.
Also the flowers are accompanied by a threatening note from "the Sun". OoooOOO000oOoh. The girls dismiss it as a prank played by our good friend Jake Jacoby, and note that he's been acting weird lately. Hmm. Red herring. I'm calling it now.
As the girls get ready for the after party, we learn that Selena use to be fat until she got interested in drama. Now she's skinny, beautiful and popular! Also she's poor and can't afford college, and she's relying on getting the lead in the next school production of Romeo and Juliet so she can win a scholarship to college.
Beastly friend Katy is all whiny because she's still fat, and in Selena's own words, "20 pounds overweight". Hahaha nice.
Selena being the good friend that she is offers advice, but Katy, being the fatty that she is, would rather just complain about her weight and do nothing about it. Katy you fat shit!
As they get ready in Selena's room they think they see someone watching through the window (2 stories up mind you) and when they go outside they find a ladder that had fallen from its position under the window. On the bottom rung is a sticker of a sun that was also on the note with the flowers. OooOO00OooOOooo0h. Katy doesn't shut up about the possibility of Selena having a stalker. She also doesn't shut up about the fact that she's fug. We're not even in chapter 5 yet and I want this bitch dead.
The girls head over to the after party, which by the way is held at the drama teachers house. Are students that close to their teachers? How often does Selena go over to his house? Is that why she gets the leads in all the plays? Hmmmmmm.
Anyway the cast and crew are introduced to Eddy, a second year drama student from Waynesbridge Junior College who'll be interning at Shadyside High. Sounds legit. He's suuuuuuuuper cute thinks beastly Katy and Selena, who also thinks he looks familiar. He also seems to know a lot about her, she realises as they talk for a bit. Stalkerrrrrrr. Then Selena sees Jake Jacoby and confronts him about the flowers and the ladder, and in return he pretty much bites her head off. Down boy!
Then Danny walks in pretending to be dying. He and Selena broke up over a year ago and he's still obsessed with her. He also tried to run the girls off the road on their way to the party btw. And I'm sure he thinks Selena is just weak at the knees over him after all this. But me and Selena agree that he's a loser.
I think any of these boys could be her stalker at this stage. They're all lame.
Or maybe it's that big oaf Katy! She seems pretty obsessed with her best friend. Clingyyyyyy. 
Danny and Jake Jacoby get into a brawl over which one of them will take Selena home from the party, but she defiantly tells them Katy is taking her home! Hmph! Take that boys.
The next morning Selena is awakened by a hoarse voiced threatening caller. She is terrified!
At school that day she sees Danny putting a note in her locker and flat out accuses him of being the Sun, which he denies. Jake Jacoby and that heffer Katy encourage Selena to tell the drama teacher about the stalker, but she dismisses this on account of if she does, he might not cast her in the play and she NEEEEEEEDS a drama scholarship to get into college! Poor Selena. Get it? Because she's poor? HA!
Later at the auditions for the new play, Selena discovers that Danny and Jake Jacoby are both auditioning for the part of Romeo. Allison, who also happens to be up for the role of Juliet, is going over her lines in the exact spot where Selena usually sits to study her lines. Uh oh. Selena allows this, because she's well aware she doesn't own the seat. I like Selena. As Selena wanders off to find a new spot, a cabinet falls right on top of Allison, crushing her. In the exact spot Selena usually positions herself. I'm suspicious, but Selena doesn't quite get it until good mate Jake Jacoby points that fact out to her!
The police investigate and determine it was an accident. The cabinet was too full, and one of the front legs was weak. But Selena knows better when she finds that pesky little sticker of the sun at the scene. Gasp!
Katy and Jake Jacoby try to convince Selena that the sticker was just a coincidence. So they've been convinced she's had a stalker since day one and now that someone's been hurt its just a coincidence? Get your shit together Katy. I hate you. Why can't you have gotten crushed by a cabinet instead of Allison?!
Danny calls her the next night and asks her out. He's clingy as. But Selena is a massive bitch to him as usual but he still doesn't get the point. He explodes at her and tells her she was nicer when she was fat. Boom! Selena stands up for herself and I'm thinking she's my favourite fear street girl ever. She accuses Danny again of being the Sun and he denies it, wondering what she's on about. She blurts out that someone is trying to hurt her and hangs up. Then Eddy calls her and tells her how good she was at the auditions, (she got the part) and mentions that she's a different person to what she was 2 years ago, commenting on her shyness and the clothes she use to wear. Me and Selena are like wtf but she agrees to go out on a date with him. But she can't tell anyone from drama class. It has to be a secret. Hmm. He'll probably try to kill her.
She's super excited for her date though and she's "never felt this way about a boy before." Selena you've met him like twice, settle down. She thinks it's super cute that he remembers everything about her and she can't wait for their date on Friday night! Tehe!
Later she finds a present at her door. It's a dead rat. With no head. Selena is absolutely thrilled and chucks it in the oven to eat for dinner. Yum! Just tricking, she's actually mortified. Attached are a sun sticker and note threatening her to leave the play.
She calls Katy and tells her all about what happened, including her date with Eddy on Friday night! Which she was suppose to keep a secret. Oops, she also forgot she already had plans with katy that night, which she then changes to Saturday night. As loser Katy puts it, "it's not like I had any other plans." Classic Katy. As she goes to bed, she hears footsteps coming up the stairs. Gasp! It's just mum though, home early from work! Her mum works nightshift by the way. I forgot to mention that earlier but it hasn't been important until now. My bad.
At the first rehearsals for the play, a set of stage lights fall and nearly crush Selena, but Katy pushes her out of the way. Aw Katy. Little bit of redemption there. Still don't like you though. Katy's arm is injured (good) but other than that they're both fine.
Also we find out why Jake Jacoby had been so weird and grumpy lately! His parents are going through a divorce. Aww. Also he's not happy because Danny got the part of Romeo. Also Selena tells the drama teacher about what's been happening but he dismisses it as accidents and practical jokes, but promises to be alert.
Friday night rolls by and she has a great night with Eddie! Until he brings up her dead dad and she's all "wtf cunt I never told you about that". And then she sees Danny watching them at a restaurant. They're in Waynesbridge so he definitely followed them there. At least that's what me and Selena think until she confronts him right there and as it turns out he's on a date with a girl from Waynesbridge. Oops. Selena is now positive Danny isn't the stalker. She hurries out and on the way back to Eddy's Honda Civic, he and Selena see a car racing towards them. Eddy, being the gentleman he is, pushes Selena into the path of the oncoming car. What?!? Selena's like "wtf Eddy?!" And he tells her he made sure he pushed hard enough so that she'd make it to the other side where she'd be safe. And then she hugs him for saving her life.
.................................................... really?
And now it's my turn to be in open mouthed horror because wtf right? He pushed her in front of an oncoming car! SELENA R U SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? How could he possibly know you would have made it to the other side by the time the car got there?!? I thought you were smarter than this Selena. I guess I was wrong. She had also confided in him about her stalker at dinner, but on their way home she realises it was kind of weird for him to push her in front of a car. Really Selena? You're just grasping that now? I don't think he's her stalker but I mean shit he pushed her in front of a car!! Like shit bitch!
The next morning Selena finds a bouquet of beautiful red roses with green leaves at her door step and thinks they're from the wonderful Eddy. The same one who pushed her in front of an oncoming car. Cool. She can't stop burying her face in the roses and smelling them until her mum comes in and points out that those leaves are actually poison ivy! HAHAHAHAHA! Haha! Ha! That'll teach her. But wait didn't I like Selena before? If she stops being a dumb bitch maybe she can redeem herself. She's really allergic to poison ivy and it takes like a week for her face to heal. Hahahaha.
She ponders who could have known about her allergy, and my suspects are the beast (Katy) and Jake Jacoby because they're her best friends so surely they'd know about her allergies. Or maybe Eddy because he literally knows everything about Selena. At school, Jake Jacoby is positive the stalker is Danny, and promises to suss it out for Selena.
But Selena decides to do some sussing out herself, and checks everyone's stage lockers for the play after school. And finds a pack of sun stickers in Jake Jacoby's locker. GASP! I'm sure it was planted there though.
That night Jake Jacoby calls her and tells her he NEEEEEDS her to meet him at school right away because he can prove who the stalker is! And can explain how the stickers got in his locker! he refuses to tell her over the phone though which pisses me off. Selena goes to meet him and finds him at the bottom of the catwalk in the auditorium with a broken neck. Police say it was an accident and he fell. But we know better don't we Selena! Apparently not because she still thinks he was the sun.
..........................................…Goddamn it Selena!
She feels no anger towards Jake Jacoby though. Instead she's sympathetic, blaming herself for not being there for him. Cute. She almost quits the play then doesn't. At home she gets another note from the Sun and realises she was wrong about who the stalker was!! She decides to dedicate all her future performances to her dead friend. What a qt!
The next day, the dress rehearsal for the play goes well. When she gets home, she finds a note in her backpack from the Sun informing her of another murder in the auditorium. She realises the note was written today and hurries to the school to see if she can save someone!
Btw the note had originally been in her locker but she shoved the whole contents of that in her bag. So she wasn't suppose to see the note until tomorrow! Smart girl Selena!
She deduces Katy must be the one in danger! Eddy calls her but she says he can't talk and hangs up, heading to the school. To save Katy! The name Katy is literally mentioned 2949 times in this chapter. I counted.
Anyway Selena finds a puddle of blood at the ladder to the catwalk in the auditorium and hears someone moaning for help! She climbs the ladder despite her fear of heights. In the prop room at the top of the ladder she finds Danny died up and semi-conscious. Before she can untie him, she hears footsteps and hides! The stalker?! It's just Katy so Selena comes out of hiding! Stupid ass. Katy starts acting suspicious, even knocking Danny out. At this stage it's obvious who the Sun is but Selena literally doesn't understand that it's Katy until she pulls out a sheet of Sun stickers and explains it to her. Katy attacks Selena and they end up out on the catwalk above the stage. Selena is super scared and ends up nearly slipping off but hoists herself back up. Katy is about to knock her out with a torch/flashlight and push her off but Eddy arrives and saves the day, tying Katy up. He guessed Selena might have been there when he noticed how frazzled she sounded on the phone. Yay! The end.
I literally cringed at how cheesy the last lines of the book were.
Selena: "Thank goodness, this show is over!"
Eddy: "Hey, don't say that! This may only be act one!"
Cringe x100000000.

I really enjoyed this Fear Street though, from the cover to those cringey last line. I'm glad Katy was the killer. I really hated her. I wish she'd died though, but at least she's out of my I mean Selena's life now.

8 beheaded dead rats out of 12!

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