Wednesday, 2 December 2015

The Invitation - Dianne Hoh

Again super sorry for the massive delay, I'm super lazy so I'll be uploading bulk reviews today. I've been reading more adult books lately but I'm ready to get back into the books that give me life even though they're basically the same thing over and over again! Bear with me guys.

A Dianne Hoh point horror original, The Invitation is a standalone book about what else but a party!
"RSVP or die!" Ooooh spooky!

Meet our characters!

Sarah - a nerdy violinist
Cass - absolute bitch
Ellie - living in her sisters shadow
Maggie - crushing on Donald
Shane - new in town with a shady past
Donald - crushing on Maggie but has a girlfriend!
Ruth - "get out of my room you stupid cow" The best line from the book comes from Ellie's cunt of a sister.
Riley - Sarah's crush and part of Cass's crew.

School bitch Cass Rockham is planning one of her big parties, relishing in the idea of the disappointed people who won't get an invite.
This bitch thinks she's the cats pyjamas of high school and I'm hoping she dies already.
She notes that this party will be different from the rest, bc it has one extra form of entertainment, but she doesn't think as much as to let us in on it. Cunt. I bet the entertainment will be humiliating someone bc that's the kind of girl Cass is!
Cut to Sarah and her friends, who have all surprisingly been invited, which is super weird bc Cass has never acknowledged them before!
Sarah is super suss but best buds Maggie, Ellie and Donald convince her to go while new member of the group Shane (a girl by the way) is less enthusiastic which Sarah is also suss about. Settle Nancy Drew.
We get a slight backstory to the friends now as they tell their respective families about the invitation. Ellie's older sister Ruth is about as rude as Cass, and in total disbelief about Ellie being invited and not herself! Cunt.
Shane's mother is pressuring her to be popular and refers to an incident that happened in their old town but doesn't reveal what it was. But Shane is happy with her small close knit group. Good for you Shane!
Maggie and Donald like eachother but he's got a girlfriend that he met while at summer camp and is too scared to dump her. Pussyyyyy.
The big day arrives and everyone is getting ready separately. Ellie's cunt of a sister apparently pours nail polish on Ellie's dress bc she's a sourpuss about not being invited, which means Ellie has to wear an old dress of her mother that makes her look like a fat clump of celery. Hahahahahahahahaha.
Donald has finally broken up with Dolly, but she's not giving up that easy and calls him to yell at him about going to the party without here.
Ruth and Dolly both vow to their sister and ex respectively that they WON'T have fun without them. Ok.
Shane and Sarah aren't keen but are going bc of their parents wishes. Shane bc her mother is that desperate for her to be with the in crowd and Sarah bc her mother doesn't want her to go. Rebellion at its finest Sarah! Maggie is super keen to show Donald her sxc outfit. Ooh la la!
The five arrive at the party and a game of musical chairs is started led by Cass, who makes sure to stop the music on our five friends, who are then individually led away and locked in a room each.

Ellie - a stable.
Shane - attic.
Donald - a man's closet.
Maggie - basement pantry. (ok?)
Sarah - a music room.
Cass announces the real game of the night: a scavenger hunt!
Outside the room each person is in is a sheet of stickers, each a different colour. Guests are given a torch and 2 cards, one with boxes for each coloured sticker, and the other with clues as to the whereabouts of our friends. Additionally, the friends are being filmed live and displayed on the TVs all over the house to help the guests.
I love this idea but it's super mean, so I feel bad. Riley, Sarah's crush who is soooo0000oOoOOO cute, isn't impressed and decides to find the five friends and let them out, bc he's a nice guy. Even tho he's never really talked to them. Cute. Be my boyfriend Riley! Hehe.
Shit gets intense real fucking quick when someone bursts into Maggie's room, ties her hands behind her back, and drags her to the garage where she's thrown inside a turned on car that no longer has door or window handles and left there.
WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT?! I'm full on feeling for Maggie bc I'd hate to die that way and she seems so nice. :( waah.
Meanwhile Sarah escapes from her room using a credit card to unlock the door. Clever! She goes in search of her friends before she can leave.
In another section of the property, Ellie is pleased when the door keeping her prisoner opens and whoever it is tells her Cass would like to reward her for being such a good sport! IT'S A TRAP ELLIE YOU BIG OAF! Of course she pays no attention to me and follows her new saviour. Idiot.
While Sarah finds her crush Riley and the pair set off to find her missing friends, Donald is also knocked unconscious and kidnapped from his prison.
Shane opens a pair of doors where she's locked up, only to shut them again in fear although it's made out to be an exit. She spots a black cat which scratches her. Hahahaha.
Meanwhile Maggie hasn't quite succumbed to carbon monoxide poisoning yet and manages to tear her gag out, but her hands remain trapped. The car was hot wired so she has no way to turn it off. Awww.
Sarah and Riley follow the clue to Donald's prison to find the lock broken and no one inside. They spot some black paper with the words "chill out, guys!" written on it. Another scavenger hunt? Maybe to find Donald's dead body? Sounds like he's in the freezer.
However they don't quite understand this writing and continue on, heading to the kitchen after following one of Cass's original clues. But they discover that the kitchen is off limits to the guests and decide to follow another clue which leads them to the horse stables! Progress, hurrah!
Back in the garage Maggie finally realises that she can floor the gas pedal and break through the wooden garage door. After a struggle she manages to change gears and crashes through the door, slipping unconscious as the car comes to a rest outside.
Sarah and Riley hear this crash on their way to the stables and investigate.
Meanwhile Ellie's female guide, unrecognisable in a large coat and floppy hat, has lead her through the woods to a small redwood structure, and pushes a reluctant Ellie inside and once again the poor girl is locked in.
Sarah and Riley arrive at the garage, which is pretty far away from the mansions, to find Maggie unconscious inside the car. They break through the window and revive we as Cass arrives wanting to know what the commotion was!
She accuses the trio of trying to steal the car and informs them it's so far away bc their chauffeur lives above the garage but he'd been given the night off so he's not there.
She then briskly returns to the party. Cunt.
The trio decide to find the other friends before calling the police. Good idea!
The trio makes it back to the party where Sarah and Riley leave Maggie to rest in a room full of people where no harm can be done. As the duo puzzles over the clue that made it seem like it was a pantry, Riley confesses he wishes they met under better circumstances and we all know they're gonna kiss by the end of this night. Coooooool.
A pair of party guests, Gwen and Gabe, are curious as to what the pair is looking at and suggest the basement pantry as the hiding place. Double G then lead them there so they can have a look for more clues.
Shane is the only one still in her original hiding place and now she's arguing one sidedly with the cat that scratched her. Idiot.
She drops hints about her past but still fails to reveal the reason for her move to a new town. Boring.
Down in the basement pantry they find a bother bit of black paper with "what a gas, man!" written on it.
They realise this is referring to how Maggie almost died and and recall the other one they found, "chill out, guys!" Gwen mentions the walk in freezer on the other side of the basement but the foursome discovers it locked.
Sarah rushes to the kitchen but the caterers refuse to give her the keys unless Cass says so, prompting Sarah to find Cass who initially refused but gives in at the thought of having a dead body at her party. She refuses to go down to the basement though and continues partying. I said it before and I'll say it again, CUNT.
The foursome in the basement unlock the freezer to find Donald almost succumbing to the cold.
While Gabe goes upstairs to get blankets and Gwen goes to fetch hot coffee, Sarah goes to call an ambulance. But as she reaches the phone it starts ringing and a boy picks up. He struggles to hear but informs Sarah that it was some lady looking for her kid, sounded like Zane or Dane, and that someone named Lynn was after her.
Zane and Dane rhyme with Shane! Could that be what the woman on the phone was saying? The only Lynn Sarah can think of is the guy on the football team but he's not at the party. Could he be doing this to get back at Cass?
My guess is Lynn is someone from Shane's secret past. But what do I know?
She calls the ambulance and Sarah and Riley and Double G get Donald upstairs and reunited with Maggie, who are both relieved that the other is fine and of course they too will be in a relationship by the end of the night!
Then Sarah and Riley and Gwen continue their search for the remaining friends while Gabe goes back to party.
They decide to split up and Riley heads towards the horse stables again while Gwen and Sarah follow the last clue to the attic.
In another area, Ellie is sure that she's going to die soon bc it's sooooooooo hot and is even more positive that it's her cunt of a sister Ruth who's doing this to her!
Meanwhile Shane is still monologuing in the attic about how Cass must have found out her secret and told all her friends and that's why no one is looking for her and why Cass locked her away.
I don't know why but suddenly it occurs to me that her secret is probably that she was a boy and had a sex change. I mean Shane for a girl's name? Come on.
Riley reaches the stables and finds the scrap bit of paper that has "don't sweat it, man!" written on it and quickly realises that whoever was locked here must now be at the newly built Sauna the Rockham's had had built in their woods!
However he finds that there are several paths leading into the woods and doesn't know which one leads to the sauna.
The main thing I'm confused about is why the fuck the Rockham's have everything so far away from their house on their property! Who the fuck wants to walk through the woods to get to a sauna!
He finally finds the sauna and releases the unconscious Ellie, then leaves here in the grass to flag down the ambulance that is approaching the house. Ellie, Maggie and Donald are taken away and Riley heads up to the attic to find Sarah and Gwen.
Meanwhile, in the attic, Shane hears the door unlock and is horrified to see Lynn walk inside!!!!!
Ok get ready for Shane's big secret bc it is literally pathetic.
Back in their old town, Lynn had talked her best friend into aiding her steal an expensive ring from the jewellery shop in the mall. Of course they got caught, and were released on probation for being underage, but their walk of shame through the mall was witnessed by tonnes of people and words gets around fast in a small town. Then Lynn started spreading that it was all Shane's idea, and even started believing the bullshit she was spitting! The two girls were now outcasts and Lynn was kicked out of home while Shane's parents moved out of town with their daughter to start fresh.
Lynn has come to get her revenge!!!!! But she lets her old friend know that Cass was not in on it and that Lynn doesn't even know the girl.

1 - how does Lynn know her way around the house and property then?
2 - how does Lynn have keys to all the doors, particularly the freezer that could apparently only be unlocked with the caterer's key?
3 - how did she manage to take all of the door handles and dismantle the horn and everything inside the car Maggie was trapped in?

BUT LITERALLY WTF SHANE'S SECRET IS PATHETIC OMG. I wish she had been a boy instead.
After prompting from Shane, Lynn spills the details of her elaborate (?) plan.
She's been in town for 2 weeks watching Shane and her new friends. What a loser! She heard about the party and slipped in unnoticed that afternoon with the caterers for a tour, taking some of the yellow cards which she used herself to figure out were Cass would hide our bunch of rejects I mean protagonists. Apparently Lynn just happened to know the plan? Ok. But that answers my question about how she knew her way around the house I guess although I'm not sure why caterers would get a tour of the whole house and not just the kitchen and main party areas.
Anyway, back downstairs Cass has announced that police are on their way due to some unfortunate accidents and all the guests scatter!
Riley and Cass go in search for Sarah, who appears near the attic all bloody. She'd been knocked unconscious, and Gwen is no where in sight! She could be hurt!!
But hang on, Cass didn't invite Gwen to her party. In fact, she doesn't even KNOW anyone named Gwen...
The trio bursts into the attic to find Gwen, who was just Lynn in a blonde wig, with a knife to Shane's neck. She plans to drag her out the French doors and onto the balcony where she'd taken the railing off, and let Shane fall.
Shane is super scared of heights, which explains why she couldn't go out the French doors earlier!
Out on the balcony some quick thinking from Sarah and Riley results in a dart connecting with its exact target, Lynn's knife wielding hand, and Lynn toppling off the balcony. Shane is saved! And what do you know, her new friends don't care at all about her past as a common thief. Who would have thought?
Cass reckons she'll never throw another party again! And Riley and Sarah hold hands.
The end.

I was expecting a lot more from this book tbh but it wasn't toooooooooooo bad. I was kinda hoping Cass would die at the end but oh well.
4 stupid secret pasts as a common thief out of 12!

No comments:

Post a Comment