Sunday, 30 October 2016

Be Mine - Jane McFann

So I'd never heard of this (or the author) until I bought it and then forgot about it and found it at an op shop and bought it so now I have two copies so that's cool. (Note from the future: If anyone wants a copy let me know because even one copy is too much of this piece of shit!!!!)

But I loooooooove the cover of this, mine even had a sticker on it that says "new point horror paperback". It was published in 1994. Vintage, nice! But anyway the cover looks like this book is set around Valentine's Day. Well that's the vibe I'm getting with this heart shaped box of chocolate and title. But it's not about Valentine's Day at all. Cool.
On with it!

No fucking roll call for this book because I fucking hate everything about it and none of the characters are worth mentioning more than they need to be.

So the book opens with a weird bad guy POV about seeing her for the first time, like REALLY seeing her, and I'm bored already. It's one page and pointless.
And then chapter one introduces us to our hero, Bethany, and her boyfriend, Starling (???) who are both SO obnoxious in the way they talk that it's annoying.
Like they have cute banter but it's like super cringe and annoying and she begins the page by literally using his complete name, which is "Starling Horace Whitman the Fifth" and telling him to put his glasses on. Like ok Mum?? And what an ugly name. Starling sounds like a horse's name. I'm sure their relationship banter use to be couple goals back then but it's literally the opposite of couple goals to me. And I'm cringing HARD.
Anyway there's so much emphasis about him not wearing his glasses so I feel like that will come into play later.
They talk a lot about sex which is funny to see in a point horror, and I can't figure out if they're in high school or college bc they talk about being trapped in their school last year in an ice storm while their teacher had a heart attack, but they're making out on a university campus right now, and they're graduating soon. Soooooo teenagers or young adults? I have no idea. (Note from future, high school seniors).
Anyway they visit the teacher who had the heart attack, Mr. Baldwin, every day to help him around the house and stuff since he's not fully recovered and that's sweet and all but would anyone really do that for a teacher? Like that seems really weird.
Anyway that's where they're headed after their sexy make out sesh, hehe!
So they arrive and Baldwin is super rude to them, apparently he's always like this and yet they still to and visit him and do all this stuff to help him out. He seems really unappreciative but Bethany feels like he has no one else! The visit is boring, and on the car ride home Bethany tries to talk about getting him a dog while Starling continues to pressure (jokingly but seriously) her into sex. In the back of his car. Which he has named dinosaur.
And I really can't understand why she's too afraid to take up that offer bc I'm super turned on. Aren't you? Good on her for not giving in to her annoying boyfriend's lust! I kinda hope he dies cos I'm sick of reading their dialogue.
And of course we get another bad guy point of view talking about how beautiful "she" is and how it's her destiny to be with him. Okeh. I think we can assume "she" is Bethany at this stage.
And chapter 3 begins and Bethany and Starling are really pissing me off. They drive to her house and we get an explanation of her back story. Her mum died and her dad has been working a lot more lately and is grumpy all the time, which makes her appreciate Starling more bc he's ALWAYS in a good mood.
Now I'm literally the most negative person ever (if you haven't noticed) so I can't imagine putting up with starling for more than 5 minutes. She mentions how everything is an adventure to him and we even get an example of this.
Here's how he perceives walking from the car to her front door. And this is 100% legitimate. 

"The destination lurks ahead, resonant with waves of dark danger that fill the air with the cries of bats rabid for human blood."

Imagine dating that. I'd rather be boiled alive. 
And Bethany is all "I love how he's like that" to us and then 10 seconds later she tells him she doesn't have time for his games. Ok?????????? Die Bethany.
Anyway they make dinner while AGAIN Starling tries to pressure her into sex, and during dinner the phone rings. It's Jyl. (?????? Why can't it be Jill? Why Jyl?) Jyl was trapped with them during the ice storm too but she's not really friends with Bethany. She's actually looking for Starling cos she needs some help with her homework, and Starling leaves pretty much as soon as he gets off the phone. Bethany's super jealous and I'm super happy. Jyl even calls her "Beth" which she hates so so far Jyl is my fave in this book, although she's clearly the slutty bitch. My kinda gal! Also I'll be calling Bethany Beth from now on too, hehe.
There's literally a bad guy POV at the end of each chapter and I'm sick of it already. They're not interesting so I won't mention them again unless they seem relevant. I'm doing this to save you dear readers from the torment I'm putting myself through. Not all heroes wear capes, hehe!
The next day Beth finds 3 love heart stickers on her locker and thinks that it's a present from Starling. I think it's a shit present but she loves it, until starling points out it wasn't him. They're conversations continue to piss me off, but they think nothing of it (or the stickers) and head to class, where my favourite slag with the stupid name spelling Jyl is ALL OVER Starling and Beth ain't impressed. They have a brief argument after class and make plans after school to go get a dog for Mr Baldwin. Boring.
I hope someone dies in this. And it better not be Jyl!
Against Starling's wishes (he just wants to look and not make any decisions) Beth stubbornly and super annoyingly adopts a puppy at the pound that is a weird mix and apparently is ugly but cute, and they head over to Baldwin's, where Starling plans on leaving Beth to convince him to take the dog all by herself. Which I would do too bc she's FUCKING ANNOYING.
Now I want everyone to read the book so you can all see why I hated it after the first chapter. And we have so much more to go. Yay.
Starling tries once again to get Beth to agree to sex bc otherwise he's going home, but he eventually settles for her cleaning his car. Whose name is Dinosaur in case you've forgotten.
I'd rather have sex with someone than clean their car tbh. But I have no shame.
Anyway Baldwin comes out of the house to see the puppy peeing on his front lawn and as you can imagine he's super pissed. And continues to be just as obnoxious as the other two with his dialogue. Kill me now.
Naturally he hates dogs and doesn't want it but the two teens force it upon him bc Starling's mum is "allergic" and dogs bring back painful memories about Beth's mum's death for her dad. Okeh.
Baldwin agrees to look after it til tomorrow after school when Starling agrees to take it back to the pound. The two promptly leave an Beth had the stupidest and most annoying hissy fit bc Starling and Baldwin are both so selfish cold hearted bc they don't want to look after the dog and want to take it back to the pound.
Honey, you were the one who decided to buy a dog for someone without even asking them, and you were the one who chose a dog that only you would like. You're the selfish one here.
She also refuses to go get the dog tomorrow bc since Baldwin can't drive, he can't take it back himself so he'll have no choice but to keep it. Beth I fucking hate you.
Starling is super logical here by pointing out that it was her idea in the first place and she needs to see it through but she's not interested and storms out of the car as soon as she gets home. Where she finds 3 more heart stickers on her kitchen door. Coooooool. She figures it was Starling again.
Beth can't sleep that night and at 3:30 in the morning gets a phone call that is silent. Not even any breathing or static or anything. Just silence. Boring.
The next day Starling takes her to breakfast of a cherry Danish and a Diet Pepsi bc that's all she can stomach in the morning and this bitch gets more and more annoying as the book goes on.
I'm only in chapter 8. Yay.
They discuss the hearts and Lo and behold it wasn't Starling! So the obvious explanation is that she has a secret admirer and they discuss the possible candidates.
And apparently the only potential suitors are the same people she was stuck inside the high school with last year when Mr Baldwin had a heart attack. Which is how we get properly introduced to Rocco, the jock, and Herbert, the nerd. I feel like they have the most cliched (and ugly) names for their personalities so that's annoying but whatever.
Then conversation turns to what they're gonna do about the dog, and they agree that Beth will ask Herbert to take it and Starling will ask Jyl bc she looooooves him ooooooooh.
Turns out Herbert is allergic to dogs and Jyl will need to pull some strings to ensure she's able to keep the dog, but Beth and Starling decide to take the dog from Mr. Baldwin anyway. Before they head over tho, they find a rose in Beth's locker with a note saying how she's more beautiful than a rose.
I doubt it.
Starling isn't crazy about this but Beth likes to see him squirm, but even she is a big unnerved by the fact that no one knows her locker combination, not even Starling. Uh oh. I don't care.
Anyway they head to Baldwin's where they find an older woman in his living room cuddling up to the dog. She introduces herself as Anna Winters and turns out she saw Baldwin yelling at the dog on the streets so has decided to teach him how to walk a dog properly, much to his annoyance.
Anna Winters is not intimidated by Baldwin (who she calls Seth) one bit and decides that at 8am they will go for a walk every day. Those two and the dog. Cuuuuuute.
There's been a few Bad Guy POVs that I haven't mentioned bc they're boring and don't offer any new information but I really hope Anna Winters is a lesbian obsessing over Bethany. But is there ever lesbians in point horror?
The next day on the drive over to Mr. Baldwin's house we learn that Starling is going to be valedictorian bc he's sooOoOo00o smart (and annoying) and has a 4.0 grade point average, unless he declines it, allowing the role to go to Jyl which the principal strongly encouraged. How rude.
Beth does not want Jyl to be valedictorian but she knows Starling won't have a serious speech prepared. Drama! Lame.
Anyway Baldwin and the dog seem to have bonded much to the teens' delight, and Anna Winters arrives and Starling invites her to stay for dinner. Cute double date!
After dinner everyone goes home and Starling and Beth discover that her father has been called away on an emergency business trip because of course he has.
There's also a dozen red roses from her secret admirer, and as Starling leaves they discover a fourth heart sticker on the kitchen door. Creepy but Bethany doesn't think too much of it because nothing seems dangerous yet. Which is true, but she understandably is a bit cautious and weary about it. She internally monologues about not being ready for sex and thinking that Starling isn't ready either, but likes to joke about it bc he knows she'll say know, and admires him for understanding that no means no. What a subtle dig at the rest of the point horror love interests where no means keep going!
The next day she goes to the officer to find out if anyone there gave a guy the combination to her locker to put roses in there, with no luck. Starling also hands her the first draft to his valediction speech which is rude and lacks seriousness, and Beth is naturally unimpressed, and she also finds a note from her secret admirer asking her to meet him on Wednesday at the university campus where she and Starling were feasting on each other at the start of the book.
And of course she decides to not tell Starling bc the note says to go alone.
God I hope she gets stabbed.
It's Wednesday in next chapter and Beth still hasn't told anyone about going to meet her secret admirer, although the she explicitly says it could be someone who plants to kidnap and rape and murder her. Rape! The actual word! In a point horror! Who'd have thought!
She then also says to stop thinking like that bc her did "didn't raise a fool".
Hunni you're going to meet a man you have never seen or talked to for all you know without telling anyone, I think daddy raised a big fool!
She manages to trick Starling into studying at the campus library while she goes to get "fresh air" and meet her admirer, but naturally he doesn't show up, but she does find 17 (!!) heart stickers while she's there!!
And then sees Starling watching her!!
And now I'm thinking Starling is the secret admirer and he's doing all this shit make Beth scared enough so it'll push her into having sex with him. Which is a totally stupid plan but for a point horror it makes sense.
They fight bc she obviously doesn't trust him and it's all boring and then that night she gets a phone call from someone who hangs up on her without saying anything.
127 pages in and literally nothing exciting has happened.
We haven't even found out what's the deal with being trapped in the high school last year or why it keeps being mentioned? (A bit of research informed me that this a sequel to a book called No Time For Rabbits which is about the students previously mentioned and Mr. Baldwin being trapped in the school. And that one doesn't sound exactly like a point horror but oh well at least it makes more sense with what's happening in this book!)
Anyway the next day at school Starling doesn't show up, and afterwards Beth visits Mr. Baldwin by herself, where they decide to name the puppy Wolfgang. Cool.
As she leaves, she finds 3 heart stickers on her windshield. Che disastro!
She then has a letter from the stalker in her letterbox asking what he needs to do to prove his worthiness of her, along with some photos of Jyl and Starling looking cute in the library together.
Boring. Lame. When will this end?She talks to Starling the next day about it and he drags her to the police who of course does nothing bc no one is in any danger. Yet.
Then they make a chart of all the times they've been contacted by the stalker (lol nerds) and Starling thinks of a plan to figure out who he is. And the chapter ends before we find out. Cool :). I hate this book.
We find out the plan in the next chapter and the plan is literally for Starling to stalk Beth as well and see if he can see anyone else watching her. Ugh.
They decide they'll have to have a fake break up too. Coooool.
Starling wants to do it super public during lunch at school and even offers to let her throw spaghetti on him during their 'fight' but boring Beth is against this, despite having a "sneaking suspicion that Starling would look kind of attractive with spaghetti dripping off his glasses".
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. BETH. Literally, what the fuck???????! I fucking hate her. I hate that sentence. I hate this book.
Anyway they end up 'breaking up' both in the school parking lot and at her house. It's very boring.
After that Beth goes to the mall to buy a dress for graduation. And she HATES shopping because she's not like regular girls who in her words, have to show their skin to attempt to be provocative. Because Bethany is sooooooooo high and mighty and above everyone else :).
At school the next day Starling slips the new draft of his valedictory speech into Beth's bag and it's much better than the last one.
After that, she goes for a walk as previously planned, with starling watching her somewhere to try and find the stalker, but she doesn't see anything out of the ordinary herself, and the chapter ends with a bad guy POV and he is well aware that Starling is trying to figure out who he is.
Because I'm sure all of us had doubts about that :).
Ok so now it's graduation day and Bethany wakes up and goes to the bathroom where she finds a heart sticker on the mirror. Crud!!!!
Then she sees someone in her room and she bolts out of the house, with the man following her the whole time. She gets a good look at him after what seems like years and he's good looking with dark hair. How exotic.
Anyway he finally gets her and takes her into a house that feels abandoned although completely furnished. And now they can finally talk he reckons!
Turns he thinks she's perfect and if he can prove to himself that he is worthy of her, then he can do anything. Specifically, pass chemistry.
Yeah you read that right. 

He's stalking her because his family is forcing him to be a doctor and he's failing chemistry. So he needs Bethany bc she's so perfect and she'll prove that he's not a failure.
This is the stupidest thing I've ever read I'm so angry.
He ends up taking her upstairs to a boy's room where it's revealed that this is his grandmother's house. But she died 6 months ago.
Then we find out that his name is Brent Powell and he went to the same school as Bethany but was in the year above, and noticed her when he went to get a letter of recommendation. Love at first sight apparently.
Anyway his parents are literally forcing him to be a doctor bc it's what they want for him and I still can't believe this is the stalker's motive. So annoyed.
He ties her to the bed while he goes out to by some supplies, bc they're gonna go away together ASAP. Which means Beth will miss graduation!!!!! Oh no!
Anyway he comes back and she gets his full life story out of him. His parents' first kid died from bone cancer at age 7, but was so talented and smart that Brent is always reminded of this and basically forced to live up to the memories his parents have of his dead brother.
Which is super sad and I literally have had more sympathy for Brent since he was revealed than I have for Bethany this whole book. I care what happens to him, and I want Bethany dead.
I don't think this is very good writing, Jane McFann!
He unties her bc she needs to pee, and then she literally walks out of the house, even after he pulls a gun. This is bc she know it's to hurt himself, not her. So sad. Poor Brent.
Outside she bumps into Starling and Wolfgang, and she realises she needs to go back.
This is probably the most redeeming thing you've done this whole time Beth, good on ya.
They manage to get the gun off Brent and call the police, then they head to graduation and the book finally ends.

That. Was. Painful.
It took me so long to read bc it was so bad. Sorry guys (but not really).
Horrible characters. Irrelevant subplot with Mr. Baldwin.
Like yeah cool this is a sequel but it didn't have to be at all, it literally had nothing to do with the first book. It could have been much shorter that way too!!

1 red heart sticker on the mirror out of 98!

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